did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
