she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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