Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
