So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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