all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Operation Purity has been aborted
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
