I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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