Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
