discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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