Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
