i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
