Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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