i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
