I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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