Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
