Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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