you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
