I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
