there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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