Is it because I queefed?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
