Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
