In America we eat man semen.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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