so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
