I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
