you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it was like eating out sand paper
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
