I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize