I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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