i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
