Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Randomize
