i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize