Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
