Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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