my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
