I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
