Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
