I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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