somebody snuck up and got me drunk
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
