The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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