my mouth tastes like poor choices
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
