I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
