Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
