you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
