I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
