you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
