hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize