I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
