i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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