i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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