I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
