i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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