Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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