You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize