I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
