when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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