You're my little dorito
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
