Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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