she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
