i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm having to shit out rocks
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
