She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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