Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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