he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i think i just lost a toe
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
