her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
