And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
