i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
