I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
