i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Quick, to the slutcave!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
