I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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